Blame It On The Pain Episode 33
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🧏 Blame It On The Pain THIRTY THREE:
(ALLYSA)
After Jackson’s outburst, the rest of breakfast was a little awkward, to say the least.
“You gonna hurt my boy?” I look up from the sink full of dishes that I’m currently washing.
Ebony eyes that seem to pierce right through me hold my gaze.
I almost drop the dmn dish.
“No,” I tell her honestly. “That is not my intention at all.” I can’t help the flush that works its way up my cheeks. “Jackson’s incredible. I’d be an id!ot to mess up a chance with him.” I close my eyes. “My past isn’t that great. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Some my fault, some not my fault…but I’m working on it. I want to be better,” I say.
My eyes pop open with my words.
I never thought it was possible for me to want something more out of life again. I never thought I was worth anything more after that day in Ford’s office.
She makes a face. “Sugar, don’t get me wrong. Now, Jackson is incredible…that heart of his is incomparable to any others. And while he might look like one- he is not some mythical creature or a God. At the end of the day, he’s just a man.” She holds me by my shoulders. “All I’m saying is that you’re a prize, too. You have to cut a diamond in order to make smaller diamonds, darlin’. But you still have to cut the original diamond first. So in the end, it’s the imperfections that really make us shine so beautifully. It would do you well to remember that.”
And with those words she walks away.
After I finish drying the dishes and put them away, I head out to the hallway. It’s almost noon and I need to get home and take a shower. I also have the urge to visit my father’s grave again.
Which is odd, because visiting it yesterday afternoon was hard enough for me. I hardly ever go because I always feel like an abomination of some sort. Like I don’t deserve to even be there because he’d be so ashamed of the person I’ve become.
I’ll never get Ford’s words out of my head.
I’m stopped in my tracks when I see Jackson and Momma hugging. It looks like they’re having a moment and I don’t want to intrude.
I also can’t seem to look away. His big arms are wrapped around her and his eyes are closed while she whispers something to him. I almost wish I had a camera to capture the moment because I love how much love he has for the woman standing before him.
When he pulls away, she holds his face in her tiny hands. “You’re a good man, Jackson,” she whispers with tears in her eyes. “You’re a good person. Lilly would want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.” She gives him a kss on his cheek. “I love you. You’re my boy and don’t you ever forget it.”
“Love you too, Momma,” he whispers, his voice cracking slightly.
I have to take a few deep breaths to stop myself from falling apart. Momma’s tenderness reminds me of my father and the last conversation I ever had with him. I haven’t felt what it’s like to be truly loved since that day. My mother didn’t know how to love me anymore because she was so consumed by her grief.
I know Ford loved me, for a little while at least. In my own twisted head…I think he still does. And I know I cling to it in my darkest hours because it’s all I had after I lost my father.
I turn down the hall and head back to the kitchen. I’m still batting my eyes when I hear their footsteps approach.
Jackson gives me a strange look. “You alright?”
“Yeah.” I cough. “Just got something in my eye.”
He pulls me gently by my elbow and ushers me into the bedroom. “Can we talk for a minute?”
“Sure. I have to leave, though, can we talk while you walk me to my car?”
He rubs his neck. “I’m not kicking you out or anything. I have to head to the gym for a few hours, but you’re more than welcome to stay here and relax. You can even spend the night again if you want.”
I grab my jacket. “Thanks. But I have to take care of a few things today.”
His jaw tightens and he pulls a sweatshirt over his head. “Okay. I guess I’ll walk you out then.”
I say a quick goodbye to Momma and the guys, purposely ignoring Lou-Lou on my way out. She’s not worth my time anymore. Besides, Jackson more than took care of her anyway.
I realize that we’ve already made it out the front doors of the apartment complex and he still hasn’t said a word to me. For someone who wanted to talk to me, he’s being awfully quiet. “Penny for your thoughts?” I ask.
He shuffles his feet and plays with the strings on his sweatshirt. “Look, if I asked you to do something…or rather not to do something would you?”
I tip my head back. “It would depend on what it was, I guess. But for the most part, I don’t see why not. What’s up?”
He winds the string around his finger and it’s funny because that’s exactly how I’m feeling at the moment. Like I’m about to be wrapped right around his finger.
“I don’t want you to—” He rubs his face. “Look, I really need you to promise me you won’t ever show up at the fight club or the gym…ever. It’s not safe for you at either of those places. Even if you go with Tyrone. There’s no guarantee that something won’t happen and he could prevent it.”
I don’t know how to feel about his request. On one hand, I’m flattered that he’s looking out for my safety. On the other, something is a little off. “I guess I can get behind not going to the fight club….but why not the gym? What’s so dangerous there?”
His eyes dart to the floor and he shuffles his feet again. “I don’t need the distraction when I’m training,” he says gruffly.
I don’t know whether to be insulted or flattered again.
He lifts his hood. “I can’t keep my eyes off of you when you’re in the room. I’m liable to get knocked out or something.”
“So I’ll go to a different room.”
He grabs my jacket and tugs me to him. “I’ll still feel your presence. I feel you everywhere, Alyssa.”
Butterflies attack poor Momma’s breakfast with a vengeance when he utters those words.
I stare at him wide-eyed as he skims the left side of my cheek with his finger. “Promise me, please. It’s a hard limit for me. I can’t have you at either of those places.”
“Okay, fine. But you should know that I’m holding this as leverage. Just in case, I want to drag you to a chick flick or something in the future.”
He pulls me even closer to him. “I’ll do anything you want. Anything. As long as you promise me this.”
He’s being so serious, it’s almost scary. “I promise.”
The next words out of his mouth, confuse me. “If you could do anything for your birthday, besides go to my fi ght, what would it be?”
I have to think about this for a moment because, in all honesty, I have no idea. Between witnessing my father dying and spending the entire weekend in the interrogation room. The night Ford and I had when I was 17. Heck, even the night of the sx tape fell on my birthday.
My birthday has always been bad. I’m convinced it’s officially jinxed.
I close my eyes and feel the crisp, cool October air around me.
And for a second, I pretend that I’m someone else. Someone different. Someone, “Normal,” I whisper. “I want to be normal and do something a normal 24-year-old would do for her birthday.”
“Like what? Go out to a club or something?”
I open my eyes. “Yes! That’s exactly what I want. I’ve never been out to a club because I was 21 when the sx tape happened and feared being recognized.” My face falls. “I still fear being recognized. I can’t go to a club, Jackson.”
He tilts my chin up. “I think you’re forgetting something, Damsel.”
Normally I hate when he calls me that, but he says it so softly and sweetly, I fight back a shiver. “What’s that?”
The corners of his mouth tilt up. “Your birthday falls on Halloween. You can be anyone you want to be.” He brushes my lower lip with his thumb. “We can be anyone we want to be.”
I hug him. I hug him so tight because he’s right. And I haven’t seen the upside to my birthday in such a long, long time. This is a gift in and of itself.
“But what about your fight tomorrow?” I ask, disappointment floating in the air.
He thinks about this for a moment before saying, “Fk, I’m the last one on because I’m the main event. I won’t be done until a little after 10.”
For some reason, I refuse to let this get in our way. “Most clubs don’t really pick up until after that.”
“True. I’ll take a quick shower and meet you at the apartment after…if that’s okay? I would pick you up but that would cut more time out.”
“Don’t be silly. It would make sense for me to meet you at your place. In fact, there’s a really good club not too far away from here that has some kind of masquerade theme that night. I saw the fliers for it in your apartment complex.”
He smiles and pulls me even closer, crushing me to him. “It’s a date,” he whispers.
Then he touches my as s.
For a moment I’m convinced this whole thing is a dream…but no, he’s really sliding his hand into the back pocket of my jeans.
Then he pulls out my phone. “What are you doing?”
“Rectifying a situation,” he responds with a wink, before handing it back to me.
I want to tell him to put it back the exact way he got it, but his voice stops me. “I just texted myself from your phone so I have your number. I’ll see you tomorrow, but I want you to text me when you make it home safe. And if you need anything between then and tomorrow night, you can always call me.”
“I need a back rub and a pedicure. How are you with those?”
He laughs and releases me. “Trust me I’d have no problem giving you a good rub down, but you definitely wouldn’t want me polishing your little toes.”
“How do you know I have little toes? I could have full on Flintstone feet for all you know.”
He wiggles his eyebrows. “I have my ways.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow night, Jackson.”
“See you tomorrow night, Alyssa.”
I turn around and face my car. “By the way,” he whispers in my ear before he backs away. “I really like the fact that you’re still wearing my t-shirt. Looks good on you.”
I blush the whole ride home.
TO BE CONTINUED
